I was weak tonight :/

had 1 cigarette....but it was gooood!!!

other than that doing okay...as usual, wondering where all the money goes...
not wanting to do homework...
been kinda restless the past 2 nights...
that's all for now....schlaf gut

Sunday

I've been feeling pretty crappy most of the day...emotionally as well as physically...I feel the mental turmoil lifting some. What turmoil you ask? I ask the same thing! Been smoke-free for 8 days now and still feel like shit. My next task is to lose 50 lbs (or more), but all I want to do eat! It started out as a substitute for sex, now I've added cigarette-deprivation to the mix and it's even worse! The funny thing is...I have not bled now for almost a month and finally feel like I could have sex but my self-esteem has crumpled to a tiny little pebble in the gutter, I don't even want to be seen in public. I am confident that things will get better after my surgery but it seems so far away, though it's really pretty close (09.09.08).

I'm just a crazy person, going thru a crazy time, in a crazy world